Change is the Problem and Change is the Solution

Too much change may cause jingles in your pocket - Zen sayings from the Blabbering bard

Suksy’s blog has touched upon challenges in change , my attempt is to scratch a bit deeper.

Changes leave me constipated with worries. Changes in my routine and Changes in job have been my constantipated (constantly constipated) worries. But worries as always grow with anticipation (or constant constipated anticipation), once we fling ourselves onto the imminent juggernaut of change, the nerves are calmed and we again start fortifying in what becomes a part of our new routine. A new and probably changeless routine!!

Changing yourself is easy depending on how adaptable and open you are to change. Yes, change does hassle me, but I don’t crib about it for too long. My principle is Either you go with the flow or you get out of the river.

Standing against the current and flexing your muscles while taunting the mindless river to overwhelm you is not my idea of courage.


Changing others however is a much more difficult task. You can never change anybody without his will. We have all learnt that much long ago in school "You can take a horse to the water but you cannot make him drink it".

Changing someone slowly over a period has been a personal challenge for me and I’ve been attempting this with some dear people. It requires a lot of time and patience. The seeds of change needs to sown in from time to time and then we wait to see if takes root and flourishes.
It is easier when the objective and benefit of change is appreciated by that person. But most of the time people do not require any motivation to turn on a path they already appreciate. It would be like teaching kids the benefits of consuming chocolates!!

So How do you change a person who does not want to change?

I have varied experiences on this. Firstly, I can confidently tell what does not work

Arguments can never change anybody. Arguments can get people on the defensive. Defensive people tend to stand their ground on whimsical notions rather than for a logical reason. Arguments are more or less a win-lose game. They do not convince anybody.

Lectures have an amazing ability of turning out inaudible for your listener. After a couple of minutes the subject can only know that you are talking by observing the movement of your lips.

Criticism never gets the best out anybody. Criticism just creates a chasm of antagonism between you and the subject. Criticism may lead to low self-esteem and suicidal tendencies for some people. Constructive criticism is well accepted by some people, but these are the people who understand criticism as a means to progression.


What works?

Persuasion - Robert Cialdini in his book Influence: Science and Practice has defined six weapons of influence namely :

1.Reciprocation - People tend to reciprocate a good deed ,
2.Commitment and Consistency - you get a person to commit on something verbally or on paper,
3.Social Proof - Peer pressure or people do things which everybody else is doing,
4.Authority - People tend to obey authority figures like Teacher,Guru,Boss,Parent etc
5.Liking - People are easily persuaded by people whom they like,
6.Scarcity - Perceived scarcity will create demand. Thats is why we see advertising saying "Offer open till stocks last".

Other Forms of Persuation -
Seduction or Charm can be considered as a form of persuasion.We all know what a smile and a flutter of eyelids can do? Nagging is my most hated form of persuasion. Husbands know what I'm talking about. But let me reveal you a tiny tidbit - They are more likely to pretend that they have changed and resume their misadventures as soon as the wife is out of sight". So wives beware - Any change that does not come from the heart and mind doesn't stay for long. Corruption as the method of Persuasion is a tactic as old as the hills. In fact this can be extended to offering anything that is of value to the person. i.e Emotional support, Flattery etc.Persuasion should either appeal to the subjects logic (the subjects mind), or appeal to his emotions (his heart). Persuasion may also include extreme measures like torture, hypnosis, mind-control, brainwashing and coercion (the mafia/bhaigiri/rowdy technique). Non-violence or Gandhi-giri has given our world many successful persuasion techniques like Morcha, Dharna, Gherao (called under different names elsewhere) . These are used in political struggles all over the world.

Appreciation is not a persuasive technique but disguise your “change bug” somewhere through appreciation; and chances are that the person will catch the bug. This is how you sow seeds of change. Works well on kids and moderately on elders.

That was my short take on Change..more very soon and sorry Suksy for taking a cue from you..Imitation is the highest form of flattery.